


Hey Dan, Can We Talk About It?

by Raven052



Series: Frank and Gerard and Dan and Phil collection. [4]
Category: My Chemical Romance, Phandom
Genre: Confessions, DAMN IT PHIL SO MANY HINTS!, Fluff, M/M, Memories, Separation, Sleeplessness, Video, hints - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven052/pseuds/Raven052
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picking up directly at the point where Dan left the room in 'What Not To Do When Drunk', we see things from Phil's side.<br/>We see how hard even brief separation can be, and we see all the things that Phil never realised. <br/>Most importantly we see Phil's reply to Dan's video, and wonder what might change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hey Dan, Can We Talk About It?

Phil was still sat on the bed, staring through the doorway where Dan had just rushed through.   
Phil’s head was spinning, trying to make sense of what had just happened.   
Dan had kissed him, a lot and… And there had been some seriously inappropriate touching going on as well but none of it seemed to feel real, or more like Phil felt like he had witnessed it happening to someone else. Not to him, it couldn’t have. Him and Dan weren’t… They weren’t like that. Yes, they were the type to hug and tackle and be a little more tactile than perhaps some people were comfortable with but they weren’t… They didn’t kiss! Or touch… Like that.   
So… What had that all been about?   
Was it just that Dan was drunk? And worked up by the stupid ‘gay chicken’ dare? 

“Phil?” Gerard pushed open the door to his and Frank’s room, switching on the light. Phil blinked at the sudden brightness and slowly he looked up at Gerard, saw Frank standing just behind him.   
“We just heard someone running through the apartment and slam the door, we weren’t sure if it was you or Dan but-”  
“What were you guys doing in here?” Frank asked, trying his best to hide how much he disliked the idea of someone else in their bedroom.   
Phil blinked again, still trying to make sense of what had happened. “I… I found Dan in here. I thought he just needed to, you know, let the alcohol wear off a bit but then he…”   
Phil looked up at them both again. “Has Dan ever said anything to either of you about… Liking me? In, uh. In a ‘more than friends’ way?”  
Gerard frowned, concerned, but having no answer to this.   
Frank carefully pushed past Gerard and went over to sit next to Phil. Phil shifted slightly to face Frank, already sensing he had something important to say.   
“So…” Frank started. “He’s never… Actually said anything but, as the guy who spent a good while infatuated with an oblivious friend,” He paused to raise an eyebrow at Gerard who shifted awkwardly, then Frank focused back on Phil. “You could say I’ve kinda got a sixth sense for it in other people.”  
Phil chewed at his lip. “I… I never knew. I didn’t think he-”  
Frank placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder. “It’s okay, it’s not bad that you didn’t realise. It doesn’t make you a bad friend.”   
“But… We always- We always tease each other and mess about and… How could I not tell?”  
Frank smiled slightly. “I’m sure as much as he wanted you to guess, at the same time he was probably terrified.”   
Phil nodded, sighing heavily. “What do I do now?”  
“Well, what happened in here?” Gerard asked, stepping further into the room. “Maybe then we can figure out how Dan might be feeling, then figure out what the next step should be.”   
Phil looked away, and visibly slumped. “I thought… I thought he was just drunk and being over affectionate. He. Um. He kissed me, and I laughed. Then… He kissed me again and wouldn’t- um. He wouldn’t let go… So I pushed him off and.” Phil winced. “And I think I yelled at him. But I didn’t mean to! I was just- I was just shocked and. I didn’t mean to yell at him…”   
Frank leaned forward. “It’s okay, even if you did yell. But I think we can say Dan is probably feeling… Embarrassed right now? Possibly hurt? Scared?” Frank looked up to Gerard, to see if he agreed, and Gerard nodded.   
Gerard came over and sat behind Frank, also facing Phil now. “I’ve been in your situation, okay? So I know how confusing it is when your friend suddenly turns out to want more than friendly contact.” He paused to glare at Frank, then shove him a little. “Though I would say that Frank took a little more extreme action than Dan.”   
Frank snorted. “Yeah. Whatever.”   
“Frank. You tried to get me to fuck you. That’s at least a little more extreme.”   
Frank shrugged. “Not my fault you didn’t get my earlier hints.”  
Gerard decided to ignore him and focus back on Phil. “The question you need to really be thinking about is… How do you feel about Dan?”   
Phil stumbled over his words as he tried to find an answer to this. “I- I um. I don’t know! I haven’t… I’ve never thought about Dan like that!”  
Gerard nodded. “I know this is a lot coming at you at once, but you might want to think about it. Dan needs, deserves to know what you feel. If you both just ignore what happened, trust me it won’t go well.”  
Phil nodded. “Okay. Alright. I’ll… Try and figure out an answer for him.”  
Just then, Phil’s phone went off. And again, and again. He grimaced as he retrieved his phone from his pocket to check it.   
Even as he looked, more messages came through.  
All asking about Dan, in some way or another. All asking if Dan was okay, most asking what was going on. Or, more specifically what was going on with him and Dan.   
Phil frowned. How could they possibly know?   
Instinct sent him to Twitter, and there he found the great extent of what people were discussing about him and Dan. Lots of exclamation marks, lots of crying emoji’s. Hashtags ranging from ‘WeAlwaysKnew’ and “PhanIsRealCONFIRMED’ to ‘PoorDan’ and ‘HowCouldYouPhil?!’  
Phil scrolled and scrolled, his eyes going wide, still unable to find the source of the leak.   
Frank and Gerard watched him, concerned, leaning closer and catching glimpses of what Phil was seeing.   
Phil got to his feet, pacing, reading and trying to figure out if he should say anything or not. Eventually he wrote: ‘Could someone please tell me where you’re getting this info about me and Dan?’  
Of course the first replies were not helpful in any way. Some were even yelling at him, but he ignored them, excusing their behaviour as those who were simply very concerned about Dan.   
Eventually, someone replied back quoting a tweet from Dan, just a few minutes previous. His heart sank as he read, ‘warning: If you think you like like a friend, don’t assault them. You’ll get shoved away like you deserve.’  
Phil’s hand went to his mouth, and he looked up at Frank and Gerard. “I- I have to talk to him. Now. I… I don’t have the answers he needs but. I can’t leave him like this.”   
Then, just as he was about to head upstairs, another text came though. ‘whoa, Dan’s latest video was intense. Is this a prank?’.   
Phil looked back on twitter, and found he’d also been sent a link to a video, multiple times. 

Dan’s video. It’d gone up less than five minutes ago. The title screenshot was of Dan, leaning on his desk, head down, hood up. 

Phil felt cold as he realised that Dan must’ve literally filmed this while Phil was still sitting down here, trying to make sense of everything.   
He knew he needed to watch this, even though the thundering dread pounding through him told him not to.   
Frank and Gerard came up behind Phil, and watched over his shoulders. All three hearts plummeted as they watched Dan trying to smile and joke his way through something that was clearing hurting.   
As soon as it was done, Phil turned and ran up to their apartment. He was banging on Dan’s bedroom door before he had a chance to catch his breath.   
“Dan! Dan, I’m sorry if I overreacted downstairs! And- And I’m sorry it took so long for me to come up but- But Dan can we talk about this?”   
No answer.  
“Dan. Please? Just let me know you’re alright? If you don’t want to talk, just that for now?”  
Still no answer, and just like earlier that evening, Phil’s mind started racing with ideas of disaster. “Dan!”  
He tried the door, but it wasn’t opening.   
So Phil tried the only other thing he could think of right then. He pulled out his phone, and text Dan.   
“Are you still in there?”   
Four of the longest seconds in history passed. Then he got a reply.   
“Yes.”  
Phil sighed with relief, but also felt a great swell of frustration.   
“Are you okay?”   
A longer pause, then the reply. “Sure.”   
“Are you lying to me?”   
“Yes.”   
“Will you come out and talk to me?”   
“No.”   
“Are you mad at me?”   
Another pause. “No.”   
“Do you think I’m mad at you?”  
“Maybe.” 

These one word answers were frustrating, though he appreciated any answers right now.   
“Dan. Please. Just come out and let me see you?”   
No answer, no matter how long Phil waited, and even though he could see Dan had read his message, Dan wasn’t answering.   
So, Phil sat down, in front of Dan’s door, ready to wait as long as Dan needed. 

At some point, Phil fell asleep, at first still sitting up against the wall, then eventually laying down, right across the doorway.   
When he finally woke again, feeling cold, his body aching all over, Phil looked at the door again, tested it and found it still barricaded shut.   
He sighed, and pulled his phone out again.   
No new messages from Dan. Though there was a large number of messages from various friends, some repeating the messages they’d sent the previous night. All asking if him and Dan were okay. He wanted so badly to reply to them, any of them. To speak to them and just… Get some help figuring this one out. How many of them had known? How many knew what Dan felt? Was there anyone who was as surprised as Phil was? Or was it, literally, just him? 

He couldn’t reply to any of them, not until he had this figured out. He couldn’t reply back telling them how confused and worried he was, and how Dan had shut himself in his room. And at the same time he couldn’t lie, tell everyone everything was fine. 

Phil sighed, getting to his feet and stretching. He looked at Dan’s door.   
“Dan? I don’t know if you’re awake, but… I just want you to know, I- I’m here. Whenever you’re ready to- to come out and talk. Or, whatever. Okay? I promise.”   
He waited with more hope than he should have still had, to see if Dan would reply, or, better yet, open the door.   
Eventually, Phil sighed once more, then left for the kitchen to find some breakfast. 

Though Phil didn’t return to his spot outside Dan’s door, he found every excuse he could to walk past Dan’s room, or at least keep it in view.   
He sent more messages to Dan. Some Dan replied to, others he read, but ignored. 

It was getting dark again, and Phil couldn’t believe it’d been nearly a whole day now, since he’d last seen Dan. Or spoken to him, or… Anything.   
Of course, he knew they were close, incredibly close but… Somehow it was still a surprise, how difficult it was, this sudden separation.   
He found himself re-watching the video Dan had posted the previous night. It was hard to watch, in so many ways. This wasn’t the Dan he usually presented to the general public, this was the… The 2a.m. Dan, his body exhausted, but his mind racing, spilling out ideas and thoughts that came into his head as soon as they occurred to him. Phil smiled a little at that thought. The all nighters they’d spent together, when neither of them had been able to sleep (mainly because they didn’t want to miss out on each others company). First Phil’s old room, then Dan’s old room, then the rooms they had in Manchester. Hotel rooms and car journeys and flights and, of course, the rooms of their current flat.   
It was impossible to remember the details, each event cloudy with sleepiness.   
Then, as if it were all a montage scene in a film, one particular event stuck out and started to gain clarity, growing sharper in detail the more Phil considered it. 

They’d been in their Manchester flat for about a month now and finally beginning to feel entirely settled, revelling in the time they got to spend with each other, more than ever now.  
It was 3 in the morning, and they were in Phil’s room. Dan was talking, like he had been for the past two hours, seemingly needing less and less response from Phil.   
Phil was drifting off to sleep, making small noises of ascent when he felt it right in order to keep Dan happy.   
He hardly noticed as Dan shuffled down on the bed, closer.   
“You still awake?”   
By now Phil was at that part of sleep where he was awake enough to hear him, but not awake enough to answer.   
Dan waited, to see if Phil would respond.   
When nothing came, he moved closer again, curling up against Phil, resting his head on Phil’s chest.   
“Love you.” Dan whispered.  
And Phil was convinced he imagined it, that dreams had already started to blur in with reality.   
He was only more convinced it had never happened when he woke up the next morning, and found Dan was gone, asleep back in his own room. 

Surely… Surely it hadn’t been that long? Had it? Dan had just been tired and sentimental that night, right?   
There was no way Dan had been keeping this secret that long. 

Then, without warning, a whole new barrage of memories started to pop up, all connecting and linking together, making a kind of sense that Phil was shocked that he’d never realised before. 

About the fourth time they’d met in person, and Dan was being flirty and noticeably hands on. Phil had thought he was just joking, and laughed and played along.

That one particular party they’d been to, when they’d decided it’d be a good idea to pretend to make out. (Wait. That’d been Dan’s idea, hadn’t it?) And Phil thought they were just messing around, never exactly touching or kissing, but close enough so that people believed it.  
Hadn’t he heard someone say how Dan looked upset the rest of the night? But when he was with Phil, Dan only showed him smiles. 

Another late night talking, they’d strayed into the subject of love, and, a little more about sex. There were far too many hints in this one conversation alone, now that Phil looked back, but one stood out in particular.   
Dan bringing up the subject of firsts. Saying he’d done plenty with girls, but not with boys. Phil had jokingly asked him if that meant he hadn’t lost his ‘gay virginity’.   
Dan had only blushed. Then he said he could only imagine being in that situation with someone he loved, trusted.   
Phil had not caught the meaning behind the look Dan gave him then. Instead he only teased more, nudging Dan and asking if that meant he was a bottom.   
Dan had looked away from him then and blushed harder. 

The conversation they’d had one day, after friends of theirs got engaged. Phil had been dizzily happy for them, and it seemed Dan was too, but then he turned thoughtful, and asked, out of nowhere. “We should have a pact, you and me. You know, like they did in Friends.”  
“What kind of pact?”   
“If neither of us are married, or at least in a serious relationship by the time we hit thirty, we marry each other.”   
Phil had laughed, but agreed. 

How many other things had Phil missed? How many signs had there been leading up to this? He guessed there must have been a lot, even their fans had figured it out before he did! 

Again, he watched Dan’s video, wondering what exactly it was that had made Dan bare his soul in such an uncharacteristic way. Had he literally just snapped? Been unable to keep it in anymore?   
Then, as he looked more closely, taking in the dim lighting, the lack of editing, the sheer rawness of the whole thing, Phil realised.   
Yes, this was a video Dan had made public and was addressing the fans but. But, more than that, it was an outpouring, for himself, but also for Phil. It was a message, finally telling Phil all the things he’d been trying to tell him for years.   
And that’s when Phil decided what he needed to do.   
Messages this important needed a reply. 

Phil took a little more time than Dan had to set up. He needed this out, yes, but he didn’t want Dan thinking he only deserved half of Phil’s effort. So, yes, he set up lighting and checked the angles and the sound quality. And had a very basic outline of what he wanted to say. 

“Hey guys!” He began, smiling just a little, the same small wave as always. He dropped his hand and frowned, very slightly, thinking carefully even about that greeting. “Although… I guess, really, I should be saying ‘Hey Dan’, because most of all, this message is for him.”  
He looked up again, and tried to smile. “I’m guessing most of you will have seen Dan’s video already, so you’ll know what this is about, but, if you haven’t, don’t worry about it. I’m… Hoping that after this, Dan might not be so upset anymore.”   
Phil shifted up onto the bed, moving so his legs were crossed beneath him. “So, you might be wondering why I’m putting this on a video for all to see when, really, I guess this should be way more private. Well, I have two reasons.” He held up his hand, displaying two fingers.   
“One, because… It’s not like we can pretend that Dan’s video doesn’t exist, so this is already public, and I feel like it would be wrong to try and hide this from you guys at this point. And…” He paused, sighed, part of him considering not mentioning this, while another part insisted he owed it to Dan to talk about what was happening.   
“Because Dan hasn’t come out of his room since last night. And there are some things that are too important for them to be reduced to a text message or an email. So… Here goes!”   
Phil sat forward, leaning close to the camera now, focusing on the idea that it was Dan, and only Dan he was now addressing. 

“I don’t think you’re an idiot, Dan, not at all. I’m the idiot for never realising… Never noticing. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry if sometimes it seemed like I was being cruel, or ignoring what you were trying to say, I never meant to, I promise, I just… Never got it.”   
He sighed, pushed his hair back.   
“Dan. I do love you, you’re my best friend and I don’t even want to consider what I’d be like without you. Just this one day of silence has been…” Phil trailed off, looked away, huffed out his breath. Then he looked back.  
“It’s been more difficult than I ever imagined.”   
His head dropped as he sucked in a deep breath. He didn’t quite look up when he started speaking again.   
“I’m sorry, I don’t have the answers you need right now. All I know is… I can’t lose you. I just- I just can’t.”  
Now Phil did look up, eyes focusing right into the camera, intense.   
“I’m certain that I love you. But. Can it be okay if I… Take a little time to figure out what that means? This is no rejection Dan, I promise but I… I need to figure this one out. Just. Please, can we talk about it?”   
Phil sighed, heavily, letting his head drop again, he pulled away from the camera, and sat crossed legged again. “Guys, I’m not gonna talk about subscribing or anything like that, but can I ask you all to send this to Dan, please? I need to make sure he sees this.”  
He smiled, a little more than he had all video. “Thanks guys, see you next time, bye!” 

Minimal editing, just getting rid of a few gaps in his speech at the very beginning, not touching a single moment of his message to Dan. That had to be as raw as possible. 

The video was uploaded, and all Phil could do now was wait. 

\--

It was just past midnight, not all that late, but it’d felt like a long, draining day, and Phil had crashed out on the couch.   
Maybe eventually he’d get around to actually sleeping in his bed again. 

He only vaguely heard the slight creak of the door, the footsteps approaching.   
The still silence that followed made him think he must have dreamt it after all. 

“Phil?”   
The voice was so quiet, but Phil had been waiting so long to hear it he was awake immediately. Eye’s snapping open, he smiled widely as he saw Dan standing just inside the door. His hair was a dishevelled mess, while the shirt and jeans he’d worn last night were screwed up and crumpled. His eyes looked sore, and he was blinking a lot, as if he wasn’t used to the light in the room, his arms wrapped around himself as he shuffled from one bare foot to the other.   
Phil let out a sigh of relief, quickly getting to his feet, and rushing over to Dan. A second of hesitation, then Phil pulled Dan into a tight hug. Immediately he felt Dan collapse into the embrace, as if he were finally letting go of years of tension.   
“I missed you.” Phil said.   
Dan just nodded.   
“And, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Dan, I wish… You should’ve told me, you know you could’ve, right?”   
Dan didn’t respond to this.  
“I really do love you.”   
And, again, Dan nodded, then he pulled back, looking at Phil finally, meeting his eyes. “But. You need some time to figure it all out, right?”   
Phil smiled. “Yeah, if, that’s okay?” 

Dan hugged him again. “Take all the time you need.”


End file.
